Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
