we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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