ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
