Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
it's like heaven, but drunker
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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