you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
