I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
