I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
