is wine microwaveable?
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
