i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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