The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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