it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
