Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Randomize
