dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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