I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
