Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
