Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
my nose is crying tears of wow.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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