Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
