Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
