You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
