I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
