im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
