I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
