i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
