dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Everyone says I win the strip club
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
