is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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