i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
