What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
