Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
