I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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