he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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