He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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