Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
