A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
