it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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