I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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