you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
