the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
