Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
