So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
