so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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