I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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