I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
