....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
