Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
