i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
