I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
