I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
