I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
