I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
