we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
operation have a gay friend backfired
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
